The weight of our words

We use thousands of words every day—through conversations, emails, WhatsApp messages, social media captions, and even the quiet things we whisper internally to ourselves. But how often do we pause and consider the weight they carry?

Whether you’re a manager navigating team dynamics, a mother shaping the inner world of your home and your children, or managing friendships and boundaries, your words are powerful.  They can either build or break. 

Here’s the thing about words – words are never just words. They are outward reflections of something deeper within ourselves, something going on in our hearts and our minds.

The overflow of the heart

 “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” This truth reminds us that our words don’t exist in isolation—they flow from what’s happening inside us.  And what’s going on in our hearts is very closely connected to what’s going in our minds, because all our thoughts influence what we feel.

So, what we think about, dwell on, and believe shapes how we speak. If our inner thoughts are filled with anxiety, resentment, or insecurity, it’s no surprise that our words may come out sharp or reactive, judgmental or critical. But when we’re grounded in empathy, love, gratitude, and purpose, our words tend to be more encouraging, uplifting and constructive.

It all starts in the mind. Your internal narrative—how you talk to yourself, what you think about yourself, what you allow your mind to see and hear—is often the breeding ground for how you speak to others.  Our words are the overflow of what’s going on in our hearts and minds.

Using our words to build rather than break

Effective communication is about more than just putting a few words together in a conversation or an email—it’s about being intentional.  It’s not just what you say but how and when you say it.  Tone matters. Timing matters. And empathy matters.  Here’s why.

In the workplace, especially as a woman, there’s a delicate balance to strike. You want to be assertive without being experienced as defensive or aggressive. Collaborative without being overpowering. Honest without being abrasive.  It’s a dance many of us know too well.  Consider these scenarios:

• When offering feedback to a colleague, do you pause to consider how they might receive it?  When is the most appropriate time to give that feedback?  Why are you giving them feedback (what’s your motive?)? How are you going to give them the feedback?

• When you’re delegating to a team member, do you cover all the expectations or make assumptions?  Does your communication of the task, timelines and expectations set them up for success properly, or just get something off your to-do list?

At home, the challenge deepens. You will find yourself juggling tasks, emotions, and relationships all at once. Words can so easily slip out—especially when you’re tired or overwhelmed. But those very moments are when your words hold the most power. They can create a safe emotional environment… or an emotionally fragile one.

• When you’re tired and your child is asking a hundred questions, do you respond with patience—or react with frustration?
• When your child hasn’t achieved the score, made the team or met your expected level of achievement, do your words build up or break down?
• When you engage with your spouse, do your words reflect the affection and partnership or do they blame and criticise?

In friendships, our words also carry the power to build or break.  A kind message, a thoughtful compliment, or simply checking in can make someone feel seen and valued. But careless words, often said a place of comparison or judgement, can leave lasting doubt and break down trust.  Real friendships thrive on honest, loving communication, even when it’s not what the other person wants to hear.  When we speak life, grace and truth, that’s when we nurture connection and cultivate trust.

Getting communication right, more of the time

We all mess up, we’re human. We speak out in anger, react with sarcasm, or stay silent when we should have spoken encouragement. But every day is a new opportunity to reset.

Here are some small, intentional habits you can try that can help you get communication right, more of the time:

1. Guard your mind and heart: what you dwell on will eventually spill out.  Focus on truth, focus on what is going well, focus on what good things you have (including people!).
2. Learn to respond, rather than react: responding is regulated, reacting is spontaneous.  Pause before speaking, breathe, walk away if necessary.  Then come back to engage constructively.
3. Consider your motive:  are your words going to build or break?
4. Speak truth gently: you can be honest and kind at the same time.
5. Don’t share someone else’s story: gossip breaks down trust faster than butter melts into warm toast.  If it’s not your story, don’t talk about it. 
6. Encourage someone daily: compliment a co-worker, praise your child’s effort, thank your partner, WhatsApp your friend.  Building someone up sparks joy for you too.
7. Learn to say sorry: to your kids, to your friends, to your family and your partner. To your colleagues. 

Our words carry weight.  They can come in like a wrecking ball, leaving destruction in their wake, or they can come in to build, restore, cultivate and encourage.  It’s never too late to change how you communicate. You don’t have to be perfect—you just need to be intentional.